So the fact that you having a baby and his brother moving out is a major change to him. I know you didn't say your SO's brother was diagnosed autistic, but this could be a reason for him lashing out at you and the changes that are going on in his world. I would have to agree with PP, you need to let your SO know that his little brother could cause harm to your child, and that is a legitimate reason for not wanting him to be around you or your baby.
I haven't mentioned that I want Alex distanced from the baby.
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This would seriously cause a huge family argument and I can't deal with that. His mother just says Alex is painfully shy. Aidan said he was like this when he was younger, very quiet and painfully shy but he's 25 now and very talkative, open, loving and nothing like his brother. The family will not accept that he has a problem, and my suggestion of this caused an argument enough as it is. They insist he won't speak as when he was younger he was practically deaf and couldn't understand people. They say that this has made him painfully shy. He's not shy, if I am looking round the room and my eyes hit his he'll look at me and say "what?
I once told him infront of his dad, Aidans step dad, to not be so rude and I was shot down with the same old story He is only saying what out of habit because people used to talk to him and only half way through a sentence he'd hear you and miss what had been said and doesn't understand. He can hear perfectly!!! He can hear as clearly as this My iPhone was on silent and I was texting, everytime I was messaged back he turned around cos he heard it vibrate in my hand!!
Clearly he has no hearing issues with grommets fitted. His mum will speak for him when people speak to him and just say "oh you know what he's like" it's pathetic. I feel sorry for him because you can see he is so lonely, he has no friends really apart from this new neighbour and his mums best friends son. If left on his own he will speak to children, just not adults or teenagers.
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When my nephews are up from where they live, over miles away, he will if on his own with them play and laugh then talk. My niece had a cleft palate when born and had lots of ENT issues. She was quite hard of hearing and lip read. She is and always has been the most outgoing loud gobby girl ever! She's fab! She had grommets and tubes for years. It's not his hearing but no one listens to me at all.
I just try to avoid him, seeing many children with mental and physical issues I am a qualified dental nurse and treat many children with difficulties and having someone in my family with problems, I don't think Alex has autism. I think he has been pandered to all his life he just knows that his mum will continue to do everything for him and I think he is okay with that.
I really feel for you, that is a very sticky situation. In my experience, DH does not want to hear anything that could be considered negative about his family no matter how true it is. It is very difficult for us to deal with inlaw issues. It doesn't sound like you are going to be able to get your SO to really agree with you. Dont mean to be a downer. This might be something worth discussing with a couples for family counselor. Good luck. I just know one day I'm going to snap. I'm a gemini When we're good we're good when we are bad we are great.
I'm just going to break down and lose it. If Aidan heard me suggest counselling he'd wet himself laughing and think I'm being a drama queen, cos he thinks I'm the biggest one he's ever known.
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I'm just OCD with cleaning and like things where they should be. I'm like Monica on friends but worse. His brother is such a pansy he daren't pick up my tortoise and he's dropped her twice because she moved her legs. She's only a baby, she's 6. I nearly killed the boy then. Imagine what he's going to be like when someone puts my baby in his arms.
I feel awful saying it but I don't even want him near my baby, let alone holding him or her. I know when his mum comes down to see the baby that Alex is going to be there and his mum is going to sit Alex down straight away and want to put my baby on his knee. I don't want that. I don't want that child anywhere near my own and if I kick off all of Aidans family is going to hate me. Im sure you dont realize this but the "brat" in this situation is you. Your an adult he is a child. When someone attacks you as a parent telling you how your raising your child wrong especially a non parent youll react much stronger than what you claim your boyfriends mother does.
There is nothing this child can do that will make you happy, so deal with it on your own. Until you do you will over analyze everything he does. Children act shy when they are not secure, ever think you are rocking his security so much that he is having a normal but extreme response? You say your a dental nurse or a holistic therapist or whatever, you should know your too close to dx this kid.
I am sure if he is on the spectrum his pedi, mom and teachers would act. Im not saying you should hand your baby to him at birth without supervision, but I really think you will feel different if it was your child and a non parent was feeling how you do toward your child. They run and play all the time accidents happen. You will think I am harsh right up until someone attacks your child, then you will realize. I am telling you flat out.
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He was fine if I fed him and they watched him but if he ate with them there was an issue. So we pedi too thought it was stress and went thru a period that I didnt feed him. Hubs and my parents could do it fine. She couldnt and was very vocal about it, made outrageous claims. She took him to the ER 11 times in 4 months.
I was finishing school at the time and if I hadnt it is very possible that I would of had to deal with authorities. My mom said that they in laws fed him at my moms and my mom never saw such a pukey sleepy kid, the inlaws also left their diaper bag. Turns out that SIL thought she knew best and was giving my son "vitamins" and a different formula. First off he was breastfed and second I am a vegetarian so I took a supplement when nursing which is more prone to baby having a reaction to soy. SO all this "opinions" and uneducated nastiness was because he was having an allergic reaction, he is a teenager now and is still allergic to soy.
While I appreciate your comment I can assure you I am not a brat. Yes I am a dental nurse I nursed for years and I am qualified to do so up until I got repetitive strain injury and have to this day a trapped nerve in my left shoulder. That is the reason I retrained in a different profession having just qualified this august.
It's nothing to do with my previous career at all, I just see no similarities in him to what I did this other children I have met and treat for over 7 years. I also said it is what I thought he had, not that I knew he had. That would be wrong. His parents are in denial that their son has problems. Also yes, I may not be a parent but I can also see where she isn't parenting him correctly she is keeping him a child. My partner agrees with me about this as does his other siblings. I am not a brat at all. Also, I have tried my damnedest to encourage him to speak in constructive ways.
Simply playing I spy and this has worked to a degree to help him speak to me when I look after him. I help him do his homework, I treat him no differently than I would any other child, I don't raise my voice at him, I'm not mean to him. We sit and do times tables and if he gets good grades at school I praise that with permission from his mother with Disney cars toys as that is what he likes and this has helped our relationship. I am an adult and I came here to vent because I would never say what is on my mind to him directly or his mother because I'd be acting like an idiot.
I am tactful when I have ever suggested he has issues. My partner agrees with me, but sometimes it takes an outsider to see there's a problem when your own child acts completely normal infront of you. The only person I have ever said anything negative to is my partner when I'm frustrated with him. I think that all you can do is make sure that alex is never left alone with your baby. My DD constantly jumps on my tummy bumps into it etc.
She knows she's not to and why but forgets. On the issue of staying in your house once a week, flatly refusing permission is unlikely to get the results you desire. You'll probably have to let happen once or twice and see what behaviour is like. Get your oh th set rules while in your house. Perhaps a night awAy. From mummy would do the world of good Be on guard at all times bet perhaps if you try to involve him a little he won't feel so threatened. I agree alex is not your oh child only his brother but that in itself is a strong bond. Don't try to break it too harshly or too quickly or things could go wrong for your self.
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I kissed my boyfriends brother?
All my friends saying omg joey is so cute and Ricky is I also fear that I may now be attracted to him. I'm sorry this is going to be quite long but I need to explain the whole situation. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years and we're great together. We're both 19 so he still lives with his parents and up until May this year his older brother who is 24 lived with him too. Before he moved out, to be honest, I thought his brother was horrible.
He never spoke to me and usually ignored me completely if I tried to speak to him, and the way he treated the rest of his family from what I could see was with so little respect it made me honestly really strongly dislike him. However, this summer I went on holiday with my boyfriend, his parents and his brother and his brother had completely changed.
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I hadn't seen him since he had moved out and he was being really nice to me. We had really long conversations by the pool we were the only two that liked to sunbathe so we were often there alone about everything; university life, clothes, money, stupid things. My opinion of him completely changed which therefore made me open up to him more. In the second half of the holiday when we would go out for dinner I always felt like he was trying to sit next to me I know this sounds stupid but almost every time we went out to eat he sat beside me and if we were ever in the same room we would always make eye contact and he wouldn't look away but just keep staring at me.
Anyway, I was feeling a bit confused but then the holiday ended and I went to university so I didn't see him or think about him until this Christmas when we saw each other again. I didn't realise until I saw him that I had actually been looking forward to it but at first things were quite awkward. However, we did get back to having long conversations about things whenever my boyfriend wasn't around, but as soon as my boyfriend was in the room he wouldn't take much notice of me.
It was only little things I would pick up on throughout the couple of days I spent at my boyfriends house that made me think back to the summer again and wonder if he felt attracted towards me? When we were playing a quiz game he did the same thing of continuously making eye contact with me and not looking away when I looked at him. When he got a new suit for Christmas he asked me what I thought of it which is weird for him because he's usually so horrible haha and one evening, we were watching Mad Max and I dashed upstairs to get changed, not bothering to close the door and he came up and saw me half naked, apologised and went into the bathroom.
Did he come up on purpose to see me? Or am I literally going insane? I won't be seeing his brother now for at least 4 months so I'm just going to see what happens and not make any moves myself, unless I'm forced to.